Candles, candles and bath and body crack candles

I am a fairly addictive personality…though I also get bored with things VERY easily. I have been on a full on Bath and Body work candle addiction for the last 16 months. We are talking a legitimate crazy person. I love them….I NEED them….I should be their spokes woman.  I generally am there anywhere from 1-4 times a month buying a shit ton of candles. They know me by name at all the surrounding stores. I actually have gotten so pathetic that I have a “candle bag” where I keep them all. It is in a special place close to my favorite spot on the couch. I generally have 2-3 going at one time in my house. You see the smells make me happy! This might sound nuts but it does…and different scents of candles give me different sensations. I have different ones for different moods. I am currently burning Holiday Gumdrop and Dark chocolate mint in my living room. You see I have also found the perfect combination’s for  burning them together to make SUPER scents.

Like I am now bored with this post……..I am off to bath and body works.

Thank god the holidays are over

So I am conflicted over the holidays. I LOVE buying shit and spoiling my kids and it’s the time of the year that I have a good excuse for going over board. I had most of my shopping done before Thanksgiving because I get anal that the gifts I want to get them will be gone by Christmas. My daughter found a good majority of them so I just gave them to her and bought more. I think it worked out for both of us. Neither of my kids got anything too incredibly stupid. I did get a NKOTB greatest hits cd..which was pretty cool. My parents don’t realize that no one actually buys cd’s anymore but I acted as surprised and excited as humanly possible.
My kids got pretty good shit too. My 4 year old now has broken the Guinness book of world records for most number of pillow pets owned so that is a plus and my son holds it for most put/sit cars. His room looks like a toddler used car lot. It is hilarious.
My sister bought my daughter a wii for her room. She wanted netflix up in her room so I am pretty sure she will never sleep again so that is great. We finally got our Christmas tree down and all in all we are back to normal. My daughter cried herself to sleep the other night asking why her elf on the shelf “chippy” had to go back to the north pole and wanted to know if he was going to come back to visit. Ahhh….no. I think not.
My mother drove me insane this holiday season which is to be expected I suppose. We are having the in law Christmas this coming weekend….that will be SUPER FUN! I probably shouldn’t talk about my in laws in the very unlikely event they ever read my blog.
So lets have some fun with some randomness:

-When I first got pretty infamous as Siouxper Sioux Fan on a friends blog called Down With Goldy I was like “fuck this people love my shit I am gonna go big time and start my own blog..” yeah..turns out I am not as funny as I thought and significantly more lazy.

-I really, really hate country western bars specifically ones named after country music artists..ie. Toby Keith’s…..fucking vomit. I reluctantly went there with a few friends over the holiday break and it was possibly the most embarrassed I have been in myself for a long time. And I go to the store unshowered in sweats and slippers pretty much every weekend…I have no shame. Now I don’t go out often..but if I do it isn’t going to be somewhere like this shit hole. It is lame as shit and people that go there suck. Turns out one of my best guy friends goes in there alone and is on a first name basis with all the bartenders.
#reconsiderlifechoices

-Twitter aka Twatter is also pretty lame. Though I do enjoy a good hash tag.

-I went to sleep at 10pm on New years eve so I am officially lame as hell. I don’t think I have been up past 10:30 in months…

-My mom wanted to get me nice gloves for christmas and she was like I wanted to get you some leather choppers but they aren’t “vegan” so I got you some wool ones instead. Really mom???? COME ON!

-People suck balls

Sioux fan out. Here’s some cuteness for you!

Annoying moms

So I think I may start a ongoing post called “annoying moms”. I am stealing it from a blog called People I want to punch in the throat. I mean….it SOUNDS funny but it isn’t that great. I agreed with most of what she had to say but her posts are fucking long and lack tacky tasteless humor. The kind I myself enjoy. She did have a post about “The elf on the shelf”. Our house recieved a dumb ass elf on the shelf this year because the daycare lady has one for her kids. My 4 year old daughter asked why she didn’t get an elf…I was like “fucking a…” So the next day we got “chippy” the elf. I forgot to move him half the time and sometimes had to do it last minute. Some days I told my daughter that he must have been REALLY comfortable in that spot and didn’t want to move. My 1 year old little boy wanted nothing more in the world then to hug chippy and roll around with him no the ground despite the fact that if he did Chippy would lose his magic. He did get manage to get a hold of him once a week before Christmas. My daughter was so hysterical that we had to come up with some dumbass story about how you can reset the elves magic once. UGH…..then to find out that some mom’s have the elves do “naughty things”….
GET A LIFE…..mothers like that make me want to throw myself off the top of a large building after guzzling a liter of Moscato to numb the pain.
Your kids are gonna grow up and think you are a fucking douche. I am sorry but it is true. I am already pretty ashamed of myself for trying to convince my kid that a creepy ass elf watches her every move and reports it to a fat old man. It’s pretty sick actually.

Other moms that annoy the shit out of me are the ones that let their kids hit and abuse other kids or take toys away from other kids with minimal consequences. If my kid pushes another kid ESPECIALLY one smaller than him or her she is getting a FIRM tongue lashing and is taken away from the situation for an extended period of time. I will explain to them that you do NOT hit other kids and if you do that makes you a douche bag bully that no one will want to be friends with….and to stop being a dumb shit..I will tell them that if they want to deal with their anger by hitting then so will I. Put the fear of God in them….and they will not grow up to be little assholes. NOT THAT HARD.
I see SO many parents whom other than this I see as pretty damn good parents..you know that kind of parents that will take the time and effort into having their “elf” make a big mess in the middle of the night..tehhehehe but won’t take 10 minutes out of their day to put their jerk off kids in check.
“oh little Tommy…hitting isn’t nice..okay go back out and play now”.
SERIOUSLY? No wonder there are so many little dicks out there. Bad parenting.

Parents who let their little dick kids run around the park and then sit on their cell phones texting on a near by park bench. Hey..maybe get involved with your kids…play with them. Don’t be a stain parent and maybe your child won’t turn out to be the next Ted Bundy because he has Mommy issues.

Crafty moms…you bother me as well. Mostly because I am not very crafty…I like to do nice things for my kids but crocheting them hats and blankets with adorable monkeys and pandas on them isn’t one of them. I hate you.

Parents who feed their kids meat and take them to circus’. Teach your kids compassion. Teach them to care about other things even if they are smaller and weaker than we are.

And the debates continue……

So the Snapperfest debate is still going fairly strong. Though most people are getting pretty sick of their words falling on deaf ears and choosing to be done. I am not there yet because as of now no one has said that Snapperfest 2012 is off. When I hear these words then I will give a one last hooray and be done. I currently am only allowed to comment on 1 prosnapperfest page. I do like that this person has decided to allow most people to comment. She has kicked off a few people for vulgarity and over all obnoxiousness. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE the obnoxiousness and do find it very entertaining but it really isn’t great for the overall issue at hand and it doesn’t do anything to help save these turtles.

The great thing about these Snapperfest Supporters is that they are about 60% illiterate. They can’t spell or use proper punctuation for shit. They all in all suck ass….I hate them. Fuck you Indiana..

“Debates” with Snapperfest supporters

So these people are proving to be even more moronic than previously expected. At least from me. Sometimes people just see one side of things because they were brought up that way and have become desensitized. Well…..I don’t think that is the case for these people. They are beyond fixable humans. They don’t have a plausible argument for it. They just reply(actual quotes) “If you don’t like it then don’t come here”,”you care more about animals than people”, “Animals do not have rights”, “you have never been to Indiana”, “the animals don’t get hurt”, “it is more dangerous to the human than the turtle” the list really goes on and on. Two of the worst offenders are Amy Collins-Watson and Lisa Ann Hall Johnson. They like to troll the pages and just write about how much they love Indiana and how we are all so crazy and should just worry about ourselves and then have the audacity to tell us to “god bless”.

What I wouldn’t give to have 2 seconds with these idiots. Just a couple of trailer park trash. ugh…..You know if you want to support something…have a reason to support it but they don’t. They run around telling everyone that animals don’t have rights and until a turtle can hire them for a job that is how they are going to feel. Seriously??? Until a turtle can give you a job you think they deserve this? What the fuck is going through your god damn mind.
How scary is this? These women have children. Children that will more than likely grow up to become animal abusers and child molesters. Teaching your kids about compassion is our job as parents. This world is full of enough evil and wrong doing. We need people who give a shit. Not people who teach there kids that hurting things is okay so long as they are smaller and weaker than you.

I can honestly say that I hate these people. I don’t say that about many people and I truly try not to judge people who have different belief systems than me. They show no remorse and no sympathy much like a sociopathic murderer. Because they are murderers and murder supporters. Plain and simple.

Snapperfest aka hillbilly torturefest

Did you know that there is an event in Indiana where you can put on overalls(skip the shirt), drink Budweiser and torture turtles for FUN???
Like the worse you torture them….the better.
It is called SNAPPERFEST and it is one sick event.
Contestants race to a bucket of muddy water and take out a 30lb+ snapping turtle race back to a small piece of carpet and then rip it’s head from it’s body. Once they get the head out they have to wrap it’s neck around their fist. My god that sounds like so much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes a good way to get the heads out is to slam them on the ground and even swinging them around in the air by their necks to get them around your wrist. YAY! Now if this isn’t enough redneck fun for you then feel free to throw the scared, tortured animal into the middle of a pack of dogs for them to rip apart! Awesome!!!!!
Sometimes you can even rip the turtles head clean off! Whoot whoot

So these inbred idiots are hosting this illegal event and then putting it up on Youtube. It is like they were saying “PETA oh PETA come and get us”.
Shit went viral and quick like within 48 hours. There were 10 facebook pages set up asking for people to step in and stop it.
Activists around the country and even world were pissed. And those redneck pieces of shit kept trying to defend it. Their argument was this “If you don’t like what we do then don’t come” or “you have never been there and so you don’t know what happens”. Well…this would be true if there wasn’t multiple video of it occurring on the internet.

A computer machine…..what? Other people can see that? (what they were all thinking I am sure).
We even tried to urge Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels to stop the event. He has had hundreds upon hundreds of comments on his fb page and hasn’t responded to even one of them.

The rednecks even figured out how to start their own PRO Snapperfest pages! They talk about how awesome turtle torture is and how PETA sucks or how we should care about things that matter not dumb animals.

If there is one thing that the knowledgeable general public knows it is to NOT under any circumstances fuck with PETA or any other animal rights activist or group. We are straight ruthless.
Vegans in my opinion hate most people except for other vegans. When you open yourself up to see the awful things that we are doing to others and ourselves it is hard to be around the general population because the general population eats at McDonalds 3x a week and thinks that factory farms are good cause they feed lots of people.
Point is….don’t fuck with us cause we pretty much care about one thing……fighting for animals and will put that above almost anything. We think that you are ignorant and naive and the people who participate in “torturefest” do not help your cause.

Seriously, long onto Face(creep)book and put in Snapperfest….you will see all kinds of redneck shit.
One guy even said “I think it is awesome to kill animals for fun! When is next years”?

Check it out……..also check out Mitch Daniels page…..it is the hot spot for the activists….ps. I am sooooooo on there! 🙂

Sioux fan out B’s

My week ALONE!!!!

So there is one week in particular that I look forward to every year. This week…”Lance” and the kids are gone. I can’t even get a phone call, text or email from “Lance” because he is so deep in the Canadian wilderness. Just a bunch of dudes with booze and no access to the outside world(still wondering why his nickname is Lance aka gayest name on earth)?
The kids spend a week with my family in ND. I get pumped for this week…all year. I start planning all the things I want to do MONTHS in advance. I never do any of these things. I always end up sitting around and wishing that my family was home. Wishing there was a butt to wipe or someone to make soy nuggets for heck I don’t have ANYONE to call a fucking dipshit (“lance” not the kids…come on people).

I do projects…painting and cleaning. I feel as though if I am not doing productive things that “Lance” is going to come home and assume I spent the week doing meth and having orgys in our house. Lord knows…what ELSE would I be doing. “Lance” isn’t real bright to say the least. Needless to say I am ready for them to come home.

I spent lastnight meeting with my animal rights group Animal Rights Coalition about our new Anti Foie Gras Campagin. This is something I am very excited about. Foie Gras will be banned from Minneapolis if it is the last thing I ever do! It is crazy important!
Then I went downtown to do a public outreach at GLEE Live. Wow…all I can say is fucking wow….so lame. Don’t get me wrong..I watch GLEE. My whole family does. Though Grace thinks it is stupid and she is 3 so that doesn’t really attest to me and “Lance’s” love for it.
My mom watched it once while she was staying with us and she ask “what is this gay show”. She is from ND we are so god damn classy.

I of course get the “Fishing hurts” literature. Ironically enough Lance is on a week long fishing trip. Oh karma….
He told me that I had better not ever get on him about his fishing. Which I won’t but lord knows I want to.

Turns out I am awesome at handing out literature! I basically just make people take it. I am a 6’0 one hundred and ninety pound woman if I hand something to you…..TAKE IT! People respond well to me. I am usually out with a bunch of hipsters and lord knows NO ONE takes them seriously. God damn hippies….

I am about the most modern hippie ever created. I get a fucking buzz from activism specifically animal rights activism. It is just an adrenaline rush! I passed out damn near 200 pieces of literature in like 15 minutes.
The hippies were like “who are you”?

Did you know that some artists are starting to use cats and dogs as purses…and dogs as rugs? To show how how hypocritical people are about animals. How we eat some and fawn over others. In a sick way I like it….don’t get me wrong. I don’t condone ANY animal being killed for ANY reason. But it proves a strong point which I try to rely to people all the time.
People at least here in America would NEVER dream of eating a dog…but will hit up McDonalds and get a 20 piece nugget and double chee for lunch. It makes no god damn sense. People are complete morons.
God save us all.

Preschool horror

Our daughter Grace has her preschool testing today at a well known prep school in our city. I have been hell bent on us getting her there…it is a great school. Today she gets tested to see if they are going to accept her. I am completely terrified. I have never, never, ever been so nervous for anything in my own life as much as I am for her today. I am horrified that she will say something like “dad you’re a dumbass” or “my mom drinks pop and my dad drinks beer” ooohhh here is a good one “dad says my mom is bitchy”. Yes, these are all things she has recently said. My guess is that they wouldn’t laugh as hard as I did.
When I was practice quizzing her lastnight I asked her what was something that she ate for breakfast and she said “umm..salad?”. And every single question that she was unsure of she replied with an adoreable “salad?” and laughed….see I know she is just fucking with me. She isn’t stupid enough to REALLY think that people eat salad for breakfast but it is funny and she knows it. You see she is crazy smart and perhaps even smarter than I am. She can read people…she knows when we are in public and I am about to loose it. She is very well spoken and my fear is that she will feel awkward like I do when I am put on the spot…or she will totally lose her shit like her dad does when he is nervous. We have to sit down with the admissions board also and I feel like we might blow it for her….
When we were touring the school “lance” asked where the Glee club practiced…the 10th grade girl did not think it was as funny as he did. Can you say creepy ass middle age man who watches GLEE!!! haha

Well, it is time for me to leave work to go and pick her up. I am sure we will fight for a good 20 minutes over what she is going to wear. My guess is that she will pick out a tye died chuckee Cheese shirt and sweatpants and won’t want me to brush her hair.

Wish me luck….

Boom, Roasted.

So this whole time I thought this blog sucked and my little more awesome sister than myself told me it was funny and to keep writing awesome shit. SO…..fuck you lance.
More Randomness……

-Baby siouxfan has got has some big ass balls I mean….big ass balls.

-I have offically decided that It’s always sunny should make me either Denise’s new girlfriend who joins the gang and becomes the leader or maybe sweet Dee’s friend who then infiltrates the gang and becomes the leader. Either way…I will become the leader of the group and make the show even funnier than it already is…boom.

-Lance is currently at home playing jeapordy with himself while I am stuck at work…..gaYYYYYYYYY

-Decided I hate facebook…it needs more drama.

-So I told my sister about my blog and she was afraid to go on it cause she was worried I would have “too much weird shit on it”. Boom. It did but she liked it.

-CC is what we will call my sister…that is what my daughter calls her anyways. She is significantly more funny than I and in law school. I may have slightly let my parents down.

-New favorite pop is coke zero…it tastes significantly like TAB but makes me look like less of an old lady.

-umm…let’s see what else has happened in the last like 6 mo…….uh….not a whole lot. Had another baby…now I am done. The world will barely be able to handle 2 of my spawn.

-Lance got it up twice yesterday! Woot woot! Nice job buddy!

okay I have got nothing else right now. Sorry…….

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Meat sucks balls

So it has been months since I last wrote. I know, I know…you all think I am lazy. But life has been hectic.  I found out that I am illegitimately with child once again to a boyfriend that doesn’t want to marry me. Hey, it happens. And I have been busy trying to fight Big Meat. You know…nazi concentration camps except for animals and much less humane. I have since become a vegan which is shittier then you would expect. There is SO much I can’t eat. I pictured it being milk, eggs, cheese, etc. Well yeah, but do you know how much shit that shit is in? EVERYTHING!!!!! Did you know that McDonalds French fries are sprayed with beef flavoring? Well, no wonder why they taste so amazing. Everything has a god damn animal byproduct. It is insane.

So I am doing my part and saving my 400 animals a year by going vegan and becoming an animal rights activist even. Go big or go home, right? I am currently working with PETA on their McCruelty campaign and organizing a protest. Let’s just say “Lance” thinks I have lost my fucking mind but lets be honest……I lost that a long time ago. And who is Lance to judge anyways?

People who stand for nothing will fall for anything…..isn’t that the old saying. I couldn’t agree with this more. I am on a mission to try to educate people as much as possible. Ignorance is bliss and for some reason people just don’t care what they are putting into their bodies. I don’t get it. Don’t get me wrong…I fucking love a #1 super sized with a DC and would love to get my hands on the new 50 piece McNuggs but I have a soul and a brain so I selflessly deny myself the few moments of pleasure and save my body the filth and toxins.

 Factory farms are about the most disgusting places imaginable. And the scary thing is that our government’s standards for our food are low. Recently there was a shipment of US beef that was rejected by Mexico because the copper levels were too high. So they sent it back into the US where they sold it here instead because we don’t have standards for copper.  Mexico wouldn’t eat our meat. Fucking dirty ass Mexicans were too good to eat our beef. Now if that isn’t scary I have no idea what is. I am serious.

I know Lance is really into Mexicans and he may be offended by me calling them dirty…but they are. Especially, the ones in Mexico.

Baby Dawger is also a vegetarian now. She is all about saving the animals. She says we don’t eat animals because they are our friends. Well, we may not hang out with cows or pigs but sure they cool. I would probably get along much better with a cow than most people anyways. She always asks what is in things to be sure it isn’t made from an animal so she is gonna be an awesome vegan one day. But as of now she sucks down milk almost as fast as her dad sucks down lite beers. So we aren’t there quite yet.

I kept trying to give her soy milk but she knew the difference and was not happy with me. She finally went up to Lance and goes “Dad, Mom is really pissing me off”. Hahaha….so needless to say I stopped. If you knew Grace you would know that you don’t piss her off. She will kill you. She is just like her mom…so proud.

Moral of the story is non of you will care nor will you do anything to help the problem. Fuck you all.

Sioux Fan out